Monday, June 16, 2008

我会幸福的


今天碰到一位老朋友,我们开始聊开。从家人、朋友、工作、宠物,无所不谈。。。

结果我这老朋友形容我是个“烂好人”带点懦弱、死脑筋!。。。。哈哈!某程度上,我承认。

当我视你为好朋友时,我就像“写意人生”里,饰演黎姿的舅舅那样的“死脑筋”。朋友对我一次的“恩惠”,我就会一直铭记于心。就算他过后对我无数次的不好,我仍会找出千百个理由去原谅他。但最近的一次,真的到了我的顶限,我不怪他,不过我选择了放弃我们之间的友情。。。

一个认识了十几年的朋友,把他介绍到公司当同事,最后竟然是他把我“逼”走。。搞了一堆的合约纠纷,做了半年的冷板凳。后来我原谅了他。。。因为我相信“我会幸福的”。。。

我曾经无辜地被骂,对方不道歉,反而理直气壮地对我采取“排挤”、漠不关心。我心痛、没反击,纵然心里充满着问号,我原谅了对方,因为我告诉自己“我会幸福”的。。。

我好心安排饭局,结果某人临时不来,我被莫名地责备,饭局取消。。当下很委屈,但我仍忍住气,告诉自己“我会幸福的”。。。

狗狗生病了,我牵着它到兽医那里,纵然筋疲力倦,我告诉自己“我会幸福的”。。。。

有些人“醉翁之意不在酒”,我知道,但我还是“成全”。别问我为什么,可能基于跟对方有着一份友情在,也因为我深信“我会幸福的”。

其实当个“烂好人”,吃点亏,我没关系。。虽然有点心碎,但我仍不断地反省,想不通就不断地阿Q,一一忍下来。纵然被好友说我“窝囊”,怎么这样!?(红姑(曾慧红)就曾说我少了一根筋,怎么这么不会“保护”自己)。。。

。。。。理由很简单,因为我真的相信“我会幸福的”!

话说回来,如果我是“好人”,这些人怎么会这么对我?我常会反问自己。。。结果我又采取“妥协”,原谅了对方,心想可能是自己做得不好。。就这样一次又一次,哈!我将来真的会幸福吗?

但倒想回来,是我自己“死脑筋”地认定这些是朋友,毕竟一个巴掌是拍不响的。不过往好的方面想,其实我也“赚到了”。我有很多好的朋友,我们“心照不宣”,至少你们不像那些人,并没有TAKE ADVANTAGE OF ME ,谢谢你们。。。

4 comments:

ren said...

Hi LiMei, at least you are good at writing, everytime you write this type of experiences and emotion, I feel like you are actually writing out on my behalf! What you have written always are what I experiences...and deeply shared how you feel...!

朋友对我一次的“恩惠”,我就会一直铭记于心。就算他过后对我无数次的不好,我仍会找出千百个理由去原谅他。。。I am always like this...what hurts most is not only repeatly but also they say that I am so stupid to be so tian1 zhen1...

我曾经无辜地被骂,对方不道歉,反而理直气壮地对我采取“排挤”、漠不关心。我心痛、没反击,纵然心里充满着问号,我原谅了对方,I even become scapegoat many times and being wronged but I didn't explain. I feel very hurt more when being "take advantage" further and show me fake concern for other motives (but at that time I didn't think so much and still so happy for the "fake concern") I think you can understand me because is the same as what you say 有些人“醉翁之意不在酒”,我知道,但我还是“成全”。I always think why must they do that to me when they already "know" that I am good to them sincerely. but no lor, they think in the other way, which is to make use and take advantage of my "weakness"...but because we are this type of person so always get hurt!hurt!hurt!


其实当个“烂好人”,吃点亏,我没关系。。虽然有点心碎,但我仍不断地反省,想不通就不断地阿Q,一一忍下来。纵然被好友说我“窝囊”,怎么这样!?(红姑(曾慧红)就曾说我少了一根筋,怎么这么不会“保护”自己)。。。I also thought nevermind but I realise that all these actually suppress and is going to be like volcano going to erupt...I also don't know how to protect myself from all these!! try to but will feel guilty or sad because is NOT ME!! :(
理由很简单,因为我真的相信“我会幸福的”!my reason is I always lied to myself that they will realise one day! but now I dont' know or maybe that 1 day will arrive after ....don't know.....

I remember in 1 of your posts you mentioned about "WHY they can do that, why I CAN'T!!" This is what I feel very annoyed by them and make me really very angry and also hurt. Because WHY when I said or do certain things which they also said and do before/later, I can't but when they said or do, I never treat them like they treat me!! Now when I heard of that, I will keep quiet but I know my "volcano" will erupt...but just don't know when and how it will...I think because I "pamper" them as I am always“烂好人”and they take me for granted and expect me always be like that...so...I think that's the reason? but I just don't know how to be like them because is not REAL me!! SOS~~~~~~ So LiMei, I can understand you....

话说回来,如果我是“好人”,这些人怎么会这么对我?我常会反问自己。。。结果我又采取“妥协”,原谅了对方,心想可能是自己做得不好。。就这样一次又一次,This is what happen to me and really make me feel very "stupid" and "imbalance"! even blame myself when ask why ppl treat me like that always when I am giving my best to them!! I don't know how much longer I can tahan liao...

但倒想回来,是我自己“死脑筋”地认定这些是朋友,毕竟一个巴掌是打不响的。but because I always think they will know me (they "know" just that they making use of my "weakness" :(( )

不过往好的方面想,其实我也“赚到了”很多好的朋友I always used to have a few which make me think is good enough but even so called good friend will change for own interest, now I lost trust in so called good friends too ... but feeling very sad because the real me is still doing "stupid things" and having "stupid thoughts"... :(

Only those who we treasure and give our best can hurt us!! This is what I realise but don't know how should treat them anymore...I dont' expect 1+1=2 "return" but at least not give me "knife piercing hurt"...

kaiwen said...

我不知道你以后会不会幸福(但我希望你会),不过你这样看待你的处事待人会不会辛苦?

Sharon said...

ren, i totally agree with you..
丽梅,只要你相信, 我相信你一定会幸福的!你要坚持哦!!

Unknown said...

Take it ez, just continue to be good.

What ever happened, happened for a reason. Trust me (hard for you cos you don't know me), but when you look back next time, you will realised that it is indeed a blessing in disguist!

Just be good1 You will find someone good eventunally!

Take care!